Happy Kwanzaa!

Well another Christmas has come and gone, and truly one of the strangest as it was only Max and me. But I did cook a fabulous meal of baked ham, scalloped potatos, brussel sprouts and box bread, along with the pecan pie. Strung some blue lights and a few bulbs on my big 50 year old Christmas cactus, which while not yet blooming is covered with baby buds. Having 2/3 of the kids away is a little depressing, I doubt we'll spend another Christmas with the four of us again, unless Sadie moves back to the states, which I really doubt. But maybe LA next holiday, I can't wait to make a little trip down there to sunny CA. Felt a little couch potato fever coming on today so took a long run, haven't done that for about a year I think. Just 5.5 miles, but still a good work out. The weather was really perfect, about 42 degrees and partly sunny. Better start to focus on more activity to get fit and stave off old age. It's worth a try anyway! Rented the Bob Dylan film: No Direction Home and it was almost a history lesson of the turmoil of the '60's, the old footage of all of them, babies really, was amazing. Joan Baez's voice is like no other. And Bob was so uneven. Sometimes he was on key and very compelling, pure genius and sometimes you wonder how he could even call himself a singer. He was a poet really, the singing seemed more of a necessity to give the poems a forum. He deserved all the accolades though. The comment by one person who said you think Like a Rolling Stone is long now, the original had about fifty verses. I'll bet that was something to behold. The other movie I rented was one I'd heard about too, Rosanna Arquette's Searching for Debra Winger. It's basically a documentary inverviewing a lot of the great actresses of our time on how they manage family, fame and relationships and still keep their sanity. Very candid views, I thoroughly enjoyed it. Well it's on to 2006 next week. Not sure what the new year will bring but I'm sure it will be a political maelstrom. Keep hearing the "I" word, impeachment, which gives me hope that the American public is really smarter than they vote. This spying on citizens issue will take hold and become a huge shit storm for George Bush. Finally the democrats have some sure fire ammunition, I hope they use it wisely. I know this, a lot will be happening this year on the political front, more good than bad if we're lucky.

U2 SLC December 17, 2005

No Crumbs From Your Table, but wonderful show - although I think they’ve all aged on this tour and looked a little tired. Like seeing an old friend you haven’t seen in awhile, but when you meet up it’s like you just spoke to them yesterday. Bono doing Pavarotti’s piece was amazing, he’s taken it to a whole new level with that one. Bullet the Blue Sky, Edge showing off his guitar solo licks, very sweet. Even though I’ve known for months the gist of what they’d been playing each night, it still pleasantly surprised me. I will Follow, One, Mysterious Ways, Until the End of the World, Pride - made me think that guitar line is Edge’s signature. I’ve seen them do these tunes several times and they still bring tears to my eyes. Love and Peace with Bono and Larry on drum in front of me was exhilarating. Still Haven’t Found, With or Without You, started out with City of Shining Lights, I love that tune “oh you look so beautiful tonight!” They used the rolling lights less but to great effect, the flags of the world with Africa and the Edge really belting it out, Vertigo, Elevation, Beautiful Day.

Sometimes You Can’t Make it on Your Own, Bono took off his shades to sing his Dad’s song. The show has evolved more than I would’ve guessed judging from scanning their web page. I was amazed at how clear and strong Bono’s voice has remained after nine months on the road. He’s made the comment that when his Dad died he left his voice to Bono – It’s visible. They’re such a perfectly melded machine, a well balanced unit, very stable and that’s why they’ve lasted. Larry really is the hunk of the four of them, back behind them all pounding out the perfect beats, Bono mentioned he’s the flirt of the band prompting a shy smile from Larry. Bono had the Santa girl and another girl up with him on the stage. While not exactly copping a feel, pretty close….it seemed the touch of a stranger was a healing touch to ease the pain of life. You know Bono has seen pain and suffering in his travels that most of us will never experience.

The logistics of getting to the show were amazingly easy, plane is one hour, airport five miles, downtown bus to Delta Center four short stops and free to boot. Downtown is nicer that I would’ve thought, a double decker walking mall not unlike Helena, but much bigger. Surveying the crowd downtown it was as if no U2 show was about to happen, not a very hip looking group, but the crowd inside the arena was totally enthused and by the time U2 hit the stage, the place was packed.

No one doing things alone here though, I was noticeably the only person walking around on my own. Makes me wonder how many lonely folks stay at home for lack of a buddy to go out with. Probably more than a few. I’m glad I just dove in and decided to come by myself. I would’ve hated to miss this show. It’s sometimes hard to be the most enthused one about stuff, movies, Pearl Jam, etc. – the most excited one in the room, so sometimes it’s just more fitting to do these things alone. It would’ve been great if Wed could’ve come, I know she would’ve appreciated it as much as I did, but it was not meant to be. Lunch ran long and missed the boat on The Family Stone so went to see Harry Potter. I thoroughly enjoyed it. Plot was easy to follow – effects were creatively different – all magic wands and dragons, believable. To be swallowed by a maze, we’ve all had nightmares like that one. The next one should be a real kicker after the kids have all completed puberty. Herminie in love with Harry, and the red head in love with Herminie. So like real life.

the bitch, the year, the movie

Crazy Bitch

The crazy bitch is stalking me again after a couple of weeks off. Sent an e-mail to work wanting legislative updates, well the legislature was last year bitch, and no one calls me Mrs. Guess it’s time for another restraining order. Must be something about the holidays that makes me foremost in her mind. I know her obsession, she wants to be me, which is the scariest part. To envy is to resent, to be jealous of is to want to destroy. Unfortunately we’re somehow connected, through all of this, I had a dream of her the other night, I was ready to start thumping on her when I woke up. Just in the past two days have been thinking how peaceful and perfect my life is, well except for the no sex part, and that without the bitch, life is indeed good. Of course then today, the e-mail arrived.

The Personals

So, on the sex subject, actually e-messaged two handsome fellows from the personals today. One with beautiful blue eyes, well actually they both have beautiful blue eyes. First one e-mailed and actually knows how to communicate, wrote a nice discourse on himself, with more than a wondering surprise that I hadn’t had a serious relationship since my divorce in 1987. Well I corrected and said in fact I’d been involved for several years after arriving in Helena so I didn’t seem like a complete freak, but after my lengthy e-mail back, he may think the same anyway. He’s a cautious conservative, I’m a cautious, okay, freakishly reclusive, liberal. He may actually be someone that I could have some good discussions with. At least his profile said 30 to 50, he’s 39, so he’s not a total conservative mind. So, long story longer, I doubt we’ll meet, but it was a relief to actually communicate to someone about my thoughts of where I am in my life. Which, by the way, isn’t bad at all, except for the no sex part. Been thinking about how many times I’ve actually been in love, and I guess I’d have to say four, two of whom I never even slept with, but wanted to very badly. Hell, it’s one of the major reasons I left my last job. The pain of being around someone who gives you a physical rush each time you see him, and you see him a lot, is exhausting not to mention VERY frustrating. Which proves my theory about love, everyone is in love with the person on their right. Everyone loves, everyone is loved, just never to the reciprocal person.

The Year in Review

So what else, oh yes, of course, U2. It’s less than a month away, and as much as I’d love to be going with some hot, sexy guy, I’m sure if Wed goes I’ll have a much more relaxed fun time. Better get plans firmed up this weekend though and get the reservations made. It’s the last hurrah for this year, but makes me want to do a repeat year for 2006. The live music I saw and heard this year was more than in the last five years combined, hell the last ten. Not that there weren’t a few great ones, Pearl Jam, row 16 in May 2003 for one. It’s Evolution Baby! But seeing Bob Weir sing Dear Prudence, Sugar Magnolia, Playing in the Band and Allmans doing Mountain Jam, Dreams and Jessica were awesome. Dave Matthews singing Time of the Season, and of course the pure joy of Modest Mouse. Tori Amos at Benaroya, U2 at Seattle Center, what a weekend that was. Like touching the face of God. Eddie doing a feverish Lukin, Glorified G, and two tear-jerking Better Man's, well it doesn’t get much better than that. And sharing the music with two out of three of my own made it especially enjoyable. So what a year, traveling on the little four day weekends worked out very well. And hanging out in Raleigh with Neal, Chen and neighbor Tom on the deck was certainly a high point. But a ten day trip to France or Australia would still be amazing. We’ll see what kind of plans I can put together in the coming months. At least a trip to LA is in order for sure. And who knows, maybe I’ll get a traveling buddy out of the personals yet. Stranger things have happened, just not to me in a long time, so it’s about fucking time.

The Best Movie This Year

Walk the Line is so far the best movie I’ve seen this year, and the year’s almost over. I had already decided I was going to love it, and the emotions rose to the surface right from the opening credits. Though not a hard core Johnny Cash fan, he’s been in my consciousness since I was a kid when the whole family used to gather to watch his TV show and my mom, who was a hard core fan, used to play his famous Folsom Prison album. And Johnny Cash kept resurfacing. My co-worker asking me if I had some kind of Johnny Cash thing going on because I liked to dress all in black, which I took as a total compliment, Bono’s duet with Johnny; Johnny’s failing health in the news and the death of he and June so close together, a fitting ending to a true love story. And the film is a love story, but not just the love of June and John, but the love clearly evident in the making of the film, a tribute to the monumental man that was Johnny Cash, the Man in Black. The heart and soul exposed by Joaquin Phoenix and Reese Witherspoon in their performances hit raw emotional chords that resonated throughout the film. The singing made me wonder why I hadn’t heard either of them sing previously. Both Mr. Phoenix and Ms. Witherspoon have had successful fruitful careers, this however is the high point so far for each. I see little gold statues on their mantles.

Back to Sweden

Well, after 3 quick months, the kids are heading back to Sweden tomorrow. Saying good-bye is always hard, especially when you don't know when you'll get to see family members again. Not sure I'll make it to Europe next summer, although it would be nice. And after turkey day, more leaving Montana behind, but Hollywood isn't so far away, a quick plane ride. So maybe time to start thinking about leaving Montana myself. But now that winter is here, time to hunker down and tough it out, planning the next big trip would help aleviate the winter blues, but I guess planning on skiing several times this winter would also be an option!

Pearl Jam, Pearl Jam!!

Within Days the Swedes will be here and we'll head to Missoula to See PJ and then off to Seattle with the whole crew to see PJ and the Seattle friends. Will be a whirlwind month, and so looking forward to it. Bob Dylan was a shadow of his former self, but still entertaining. A very strange little character. Not really looking forward to the Bozeman kids moving east, especially when I recently looked for real estate in case I thought I might head east too, WRONG!! My house in western Mass would be worth probably $175,000, more than double market price here! Have to say a note on the Show RockStar INXS, it is by far the best reality TV ever produced. It's exciting to see the contestants doing great old classics as well as INXS tunes, and this ain't no Kelly Clarkson/Bo Bice gig. These folks can really rock, and I'm willing to bet at least 4 will go on to great things. And no that doesn't include stints on KillReality like poor, bitchy, pathetic Omarosa Blah Blah Blah.

The Most Intelligent Choice

Ours is a time of rapid advance in science and hopefully also an ever advancing and aware human race. The time has come for a peace treaty to be forged between abortion foes and supporters. The pro-choice and pro-life factions seem to be as far apart as they can conceivably be, in fact the national prominence of this issue has polarized our country.  There must be a common middle ground. 

If the ACLU and the NRA can join forces to fight USA Patriot Act restrictions on our civil rights, then I’m guessing a reasonable compromise both sides can live with is possible. Let’s face it, the extremes on both sides are radical and such positions are typically tied more heavily to emotional attachment to one’s own view point than to logic. 

The radical pro-lifers want complete societal control of a woman’s sexuality which means: no sex until marriage, no birth control and correspondingly no abortion under any condition. Sounds like the suppression of women’s rights so prevalent in the middle east. In addition, this is not a reasonable expectation given humanity’s tendency to procreate.  After all, you and I would not be here if our parents didn’t “do it.”  (Born-Again virgins are a prime example of a departure from reality, but that’s another story.) The radical pro-choicers want on-demand abortion asserting that an embryo is nothing but a blob of tissue; a simple procedure and away it goes. However, given nine months without interference and the reasonable good health of the woman and a newborn appears.

Preventing the necessity of making a tough choice is the best “choice” for all concerned. Certainly the fringe extremes will probably never agree, but I contend there is a great silent majority who would agree a woman’s control over her ability and willingness to conceive or not conceive through readily available birth control, and the proper education to use it, could eliminate most unwanted pregnancies and correspondingly the need for abortion or the burden of an unwanted child. 

If eliminating the need for most abortions due to a shift to preventing unwanted pregnancies became the shared goal for both sides, could they lay down their arms and declare peace?  How could you keep up the fight?  Is the well being of women really the nobel cause?  Or is the fight itself the goal? Nations across the globe wage war generation after generation, unable to break destructive patterns engrained in their beings.  Are the abortion warriors victims of a similar affliction? 

The need for all abortions can never be completely eliminated, but a substantial reduction is possible if the coalitions of opposing views band together for the public good. Certainly modern science has made great strides over the last 20 years inviting a fresh look at the options. The logical answer is to give women the tools to control their own destiny and they will prevent the crisis situation of unwanted pregnancy and live happier lives.

Ignoring My Blog

Well, I've pretty much ignored blogging for a month, but between the child smacking his head skateboarding, the psycho stalker and busy work schedule it's been kind of hectic. Really ready to head out for a week of road tripping to TN (Bonnaroo) & NC (brother Neal) next week. I love adventures and this should be a fun one. Especially psyched to see Allman Brothers which I haven't seen since '92 (they were amazing, as usual), Modest Mouse, my new favorite band, and Dave Matthews which I think will be terrific. Plus the whole crowd ambiance should be a trip. Then it's off to Bean Town for the 4th to check in with the dysfunctional family. Really looking forward to it this time for no apparent reason other than at this late date they're all still alive and kicking! So my summer fun will be peaking early this year, unless of course Sadie comes home with the new love for a month (or three), which would make it even better. G'day!

Storm Brewing

U2 Rocks Seattle

24.04.2005 Seattle Show 1 - report and setlist
U2 songs need little introduction – which is just as well, as the first three went without in Seattle. Bono let the music speak for itself, as the band dived headlong into ‘Love and Peace’, ‘Vertigo’ and ‘Elevation’ without coming up for air.The newer numbers got a warm welcome from the crowd, while the old favourites were greeted like long-lost friends – making it feel like Key Arena was rammed full of old-school fans tonight.One of them – a female of the species, of course - got an up-close-and-personal view of ‘City of Blinding Lights’, as Bono plucked her from the massed ranks for a dance. Never one to be completely lost for words, he drew it to close with a simple “Bye”.The evening had its usual sprinkling of celebrity stardust: the Killers headed round from Second Avenue after their show at the Moore Theatre; meanwhile, grunge heroes Eddie Vedder and Stone Gossard from Pearl Jam were hanging out with Nancy and Ann Wilson…Bono gave ‘Miracle Drug’ an extra dose of pathos by dedicating it to his friend Jennifer, “who’s here tonight with her man”. He explained, “She’s very, very sick and very brave. I dedicate this song to her and the doctors and nurses …because we need science.” His timing was perfect throughout – arriving on cue at the elipse, too, for a spot of tuneful air guitar.‘Sometimes’ drew another tribute – no surprises that it was “to a tough guy from Dublin: his name was Bob Hewson”. Bono was brilliantly on song with a soaring vocal, ending, as always, with a touch of ‘No Regrets’.‘New Year’s Day’ sounded as fresh as the new start it evokes – with Edge’s trademark piano cutting beautifully over Adam’s classic, thumping bass line. It’s an anthem that will never tire on this tour.‘Bullet the Blue Sky’ then provoked one of the biggest cheers of the night – as Bono sang, “Johnny came marching home again, Coming back to Seattle”. Meanwhile, ‘Running to Stand Still’ was offered up, once again, to “the brave men and women of the US military”. Bono came back for ‘Pride’ wearing a new shirt, though it was Adam’s turn to break into a sweat as he careered around the stage. Bono gave him a little kiss, and the two were silhouetted as the lights hit the crowd. More name-checks during ‘One’ - Bono this time thanked Steve Reynolds of World Vision – “here tonight” – along with Bill and Melinda Gates. It’s “one thing to give cash,” he affirmed, finding the words again - and “another to make sure the problems are being solved…” U2, on the money, in Seattle.
SET LIST
Love and Peace
Vertigo
Elevation
Cry/ Electric Co.
An Cat Dubh / Into the Heart
City of Blinding Lights
Beautiful Day
Miracle Drug
Sometimes you can’t make it on your own
New Year’s Day
Sunday Bloody Sunday
Bullet The Blue Sky
Running to Standstill
Pride in the name of love
Where the Streets have no name
One
Zoo Station
The Fly
Mysterious Ways
All Because of You
Yahweh
“40”
copyright Seattle Times

Red Sox Nation

She liked a level playing field. She had the 2004 World Champion Red Sox cap firmly affixed to her head, a birthday gift from her crazy sister. Even whacko, she’d been lucid enough to grasp it’s significance. She’d now look forward to many years, maybe all of them, clinging to that single moment of euphoria. A dream come true many generations in the making. The ghosts and spirits of all who’d passed crowded the field that night. Daughters, sons, nieces, nephews, brothers and sisters all thought of their lost loved ones in that same moment. And a miracle it was, she knew it, they all knew it. Making history on their way up clearing out the Yankees made the victory that much sweeter. And now, beat down by the White Sox, we can all cheer as they go on and win it all, their turn at a moment in the sun, so long overdue. Then at least we can bask in their glory by proxy and remember that special moment when our own history changed forever.

Letter From Terri Schiavo

Dear Mom & Dad & Mike,
Well, at long last I've arrived on the other side. I can't believe the long strange trip that became my life as a media circus, all of which I was oblivious to as it happened. Well, maybe some good can come of it if people express loudly and clearly and repeatedly to family and friends and in writing that their family members better not even think of doing what you all did to me. It's so insanely simple yet none of the talking heads on CNN or MSNBC were asking the most obvious question, "would you want to live as Terri Schiavo is living?" Of course everyone, even a vegetable, knows that Bill O'Reilly is an idiot, but you'd have expected a little more insightful debate among the supposedly respected broadcast media. Mike, I don't blame you for hooking up and having a couple of kids, after all we were trying to have a family when my untimely demise occurred. I would never want to deprive you of a family, after all when you love someone you want what's truly best for them. And Mike, thank you for trying to live up to my expressed wishes. Mom and Dad, how do you get off thinking you knew me well enough to speak for me and say I wouldn't want to starve to death when it's the torture of a vegetative existance that I truly didn't want. And how could you release all those pictures of me with my mouth hanging open, looking around like a goldfish in a bowl, just to get the sympathy vote? All it proved was how completely out of it I was. Why weren't you strong enough to just let me go after the accident when it was clear I wouldn't recover? Then you would've been able to spend the last 15 years living your own lives and you would remember me as the pretty, vital young woman I was. Yes it's unfortunate and unfair such a young woman came to such an end, but let's face it, there are lots more people with even more horrendous stories than mine, just look at the tens of thousands of young lives blown to smithereens in Iraq by the juvenile delinquent we call our president. Life isn't fair and that's a fact, but you acted as though death were not an option, as if I were supernatural and would live on forever if my feeding tube were allowed to nourish me. But who was nourishing my soul and spirit while I was trapped in a body that no longer served as a vessel for them? All those religious holy rollers who profess their fervid belief in God and Jesus and Heaven are such hypocrites. If they had the faith they profess to have, they would've trusted in God to take care of me when I passed from this physical life. We live in a twisted society of Michael Jackson trials and religious fundamentalists (no not just the Muslims, the Christians are equally as bad), while real issues and problems are ignored. I pray that wisdom and intelligence will eventually prevail. See you in the hereafter, Love Terri

Free Speech

Free speech is a funny thing. Everyone agrees in principle that they’re for it until someone exercises theirs to criticize or disagree or just plain voice an unpopular opinion, then everything changes. Look at the recent Ward Churchill debacle. However one may view his opinions expressed regarding 9/11 you have to revel in the fact that such a right exists to express that opinion. When the most outrageous or controversial members of our society exercise their right to express themselves, whether it’s nonsense or truly progressive, we as a society grow stronger. Public discussion of ideas and theories is how we’ve evolved this far as a society. 

Recently the hate mongers1 came to Helena to express their opinions to all who would listen, and the local Helena community responded and took the opportunity to likewise express their opinions. The result was a prime example of free expression in a public forum. I would hate to see that forum jeopardized. As Salmon Rushdie said recently on his Montana visit when you squash free speech you sensationalize and give power to that speech when it may otherwise shrivel up on its own were it to see the light of day. 

All individuals have the responsibility for independent investigation of the truth and free expression of ideas is how to make an informed opinion of where that truth lies. Only then can the issues be truly judged on merit, or lack thereof.1 hatemongers.com is their self titled website

There is a light at the end of the tunnel

California courts have once again ruled that same sex marriage bans are unconstitutional. This will be a tug of war for many years to come, but the courts keep coming up with the same conclusion and eventually the social tide will turn. Just as California was the first to rule interracial couples could marry, they are again at the cutting edge of this issue.

Oscars

Okay, I was dreaming when I thought Clive &  Natalie might actually win, but they sure looked great as did the rest of the stars. Not an Oooops in the bunch. Always good to see Clint Eastwood get the recognition he deserves, but this year it could've easily been a tie with Aviator. 

I love Sean Penn, but lighten up! Jude Law WAS in every movie this year, so the joke was appropriate. Not too long or ridiculous this year, with the one exception of the all Beyonce music show, after the overkill it was appropriate that none of her 3 songs won, although the French one was great, but the others were Blah. Very sheek and beautiful on both the men and women, many notables, Salma Hayek, Hillary Swank, Scarlet Johannson, Julia Roberts, Oprah, Cate Blanchett and especially Kate Winslet. 

It really was a stellar year for movies this year, we should be so lucky in 2005. No real notables on the horizon yet, but we can hope.

Oscar Day

Well this is it, Oscar Night. Just saw Million Dollar Baby, a real tear jerker. Very good. I'm just happy it's a packed field this year with lots of great films, no Lord of the Rings spoiler this year. Think it will be a split best movie/best director this year. But still think Ray will walk away with best picture, usually the nostalgic factor plays a roll and I think it will this time, plus it is a deserving film. Clint Eastwood for Director though. We'll see! !

Plagiarism

all the boys believe she’s a spy
but not in the manner you think
she observes your most savage desires
how at home you appear on the brink

Dreams

Been having really vivid and some disturbing dreams. Had one the other night where I was in an airport only instead of going down the long expandable walkway to get to the plane it was a very narrow slide, not unlike a waterslide tube only much tighter, if you were fat you wouldn't fit. Then when I got to the end I was compact with my arms to my side, waiting for someone to open the trap door at the bottom. A few minutes passed and I was deciding if I should scream or have a panic attack as claustrophobia began to set it, then I abruptly awoke. When eating my raisin bran in front of the Today Show a little while later, I saw where a 16 year old girl and 65 year old man in rain soaked California had been killed by way of mud slide. Then I got to wonder about dreams, as so many are very realistic, what if when you have vivid dreams you are in some other reality sharing experiences with others, only you wake up and they don't. Last month I had a dream where I was driving a little car fast and went flying off the road into the air and I thought "oh, I'm dead this time" and woke up. What if someone at that same time left the roadway and really was in the car? Hillary Swank had the recurring dream she saved someone's life and finally after several months decided she should take a life saving class, and did. Shortly thereafter when she was walking through an airport a man fell to the ground in cardiac arrest and began to turn blue. Newly trained, she immediately started CPR and did so until the paramedics arrived. He didn't make it. Now the question is whether or not she'll at some future time truly save someone's life with her newly learned skilled, as the dream indicated, or if this time she simply avoids the awful feeling "God, I should've taken that CPR class afterall, I could've saved him." Dreams are very instructive, but also need to be held at a distance so we don't drive ourselves crazy wondering the significance of each. The question remains, which ones do we listen to and which ones do we put out of our mind and try to forget? Well, that's all the cheerful thoughts for now.

Almost Valentines Day

Well, it's that special time of year again when all of us single folks get to feel left out in the cold for that romantic day of the year. Single rarely sucks, but I plan on wearing black on Monday. Always think about sending myself flowers but I'm too cheap for that even!