Crazy Bitch
The crazy bitch is stalking me again after a couple of weeks off. Sent an e-mail to work wanting legislative updates, well the legislature was last year bitch, and no one calls me Mrs. Guess it’s time for another restraining order. Must be something about the holidays that makes me foremost in her mind. I know her obsession, she wants to be me, which is the scariest part. To envy is to resent, to be jealous of is to want to destroy. Unfortunately we’re somehow connected, through all of this, I had a dream of her the other night, I was ready to start thumping on her when I woke up. Just in the past two days have been thinking how peaceful and perfect my life is, well except for the no sex part, and that without the bitch, life is indeed good. Of course then today, the e-mail arrived.
The Personals
So, on the sex subject, actually e-messaged two handsome fellows from the personals today. One with beautiful blue eyes, well actually they both have beautiful blue eyes. First one e-mailed and actually knows how to communicate, wrote a nice discourse on himself, with more than a wondering surprise that I hadn’t had a serious relationship since my divorce in 1987. Well I corrected and said in fact I’d been involved for several years after arriving in Helena so I didn’t seem like a complete freak, but after my lengthy e-mail back, he may think the same anyway. He’s a cautious conservative, I’m a cautious, okay, freakishly reclusive, liberal. He may actually be someone that I could have some good discussions with. At least his profile said 30 to 50, he’s 39, so he’s not a total conservative mind. So, long story longer, I doubt we’ll meet, but it was a relief to actually communicate to someone about my thoughts of where I am in my life. Which, by the way, isn’t bad at all, except for the no sex part. Been thinking about how many times I’ve actually been in love, and I guess I’d have to say four, two of whom I never even slept with, but wanted to very badly. Hell, it’s one of the major reasons I left my last job. The pain of being around someone who gives you a physical rush each time you see him, and you see him a lot, is exhausting not to mention VERY frustrating. Which proves my theory about love, everyone is in love with the person on their right. Everyone loves, everyone is loved, just never to the reciprocal person.
The Year in Review
So what else, oh yes, of course, U2. It’s less than a month away, and as much as I’d love to be going with some hot, sexy guy, I’m sure if Wed goes I’ll have a much more relaxed fun time. Better get plans firmed up this weekend though and get the reservations made. It’s the last hurrah for this year, but makes me want to do a repeat year for 2006. The live music I saw and heard this year was more than in the last five years combined, hell the last ten. Not that there weren’t a few great ones, Pearl Jam, row 16 in May 2003 for one. It’s Evolution Baby! But seeing Bob Weir sing Dear Prudence, Sugar Magnolia, Playing in the Band and Allmans doing Mountain Jam, Dreams and Jessica were awesome. Dave Matthews singing Time of the Season, and of course the pure joy of Modest Mouse. Tori Amos at Benaroya, U2 at Seattle Center, what a weekend that was. Like touching the face of God. Eddie doing a feverish Lukin, Glorified G, and two tear-jerking Better Man's, well it doesn’t get much better than that. And sharing the music with two out of three of my own made it especially enjoyable. So what a year, traveling on the little four day weekends worked out very well. And hanging out in Raleigh with Neal, Chen and neighbor Tom on the deck was certainly a high point. But a ten day trip to France or Australia would still be amazing. We’ll see what kind of plans I can put together in the coming months. At least a trip to LA is in order for sure. And who knows, maybe I’ll get a traveling buddy out of the personals yet. Stranger things have happened, just not to me in a long time, so it’s about fucking time.
The Best Movie This Year
Walk the Line is so far the best movie I’ve seen this year, and the year’s almost over. I had already decided I was going to love it, and the emotions rose to the surface right from the opening credits. Though not a hard core Johnny Cash fan, he’s been in my consciousness since I was a kid when the whole family used to gather to watch his TV show and my mom, who was a hard core fan, used to play his famous Folsom Prison album. And Johnny Cash kept resurfacing. My co-worker asking me if I had some kind of Johnny Cash thing going on because I liked to dress all in black, which I took as a total compliment, Bono’s duet with Johnny; Johnny’s failing health in the news and the death of he and June so close together, a fitting ending to a true love story. And the film is a love story, but not just the love of June and John, but the love clearly evident in the making of the film, a tribute to the monumental man that was Johnny Cash, the Man in Black. The heart and soul exposed by Joaquin Phoenix and Reese Witherspoon in their performances hit raw emotional chords that resonated throughout the film. The singing made me wonder why I hadn’t heard either of them sing previously. Both Mr. Phoenix and Ms. Witherspoon have had successful fruitful careers, this however is the high point so far for each. I see little gold statues on their mantles.
