In The Void

Well this blog is truly in the ethernet I think, and since I haven't posted since March, sorely neglected. This, however, will be a quick, short note. My writings have been focussed elsewhere, on that "book" I've been writing, and so far have north of 35 pages, very small font, so I AM making progress. May have to self-publish, which works fine by me, so I'll just keep plugging along and in a year or so should have a rough draft of my adventures/memoir. It actually feels like it's a true possibility now, kind of like since I've kept painting, however sporadically, I'm beginning to feel like a sometime, novice painter. Very funny indeed.

They Say Everyone Has One Good Book in Them

Whoever the fuck "they" are, I still often wonder if it's true.  And I'm thinking if it's true, I'd better get started on mine.  Since I figure it will take 5 years and thousands of revisions to be a workable piece worthy of an audience. I'm thinking movie adaptation of course.  Think it'll have to be a novel, as I, like most people, live way too much of a predictable day to day life to make a memoir riveting enough to keep anyone's attention past the first paragraph.  But the more I deal with writing at work and the more I see just how anal I am about the English language, I do believe I could write something halfway interesting. So I have a couple of themes in mind, one my rebirth in the dating world after my 14 year absence, another is the long distance love affair with my overly intellectual bad attitude 29 year old in the gay city.   Both would need some embellishment, however certain aspects of each have been so fucking entertaining to me, I find it hard to believe anyone with a slightly twisted sense of humor like mine wouldn't at least get a few chuckles from the telling of the travails.  So onward and upward I think.  Better get cracking on that first draft.

Oscar Surprises

Well it would seem no one is expecting any rock the boat upsets tonight. Of course I am certainly hoping Annette Bening does win for best actress. I'm a big fan of Natalie Portman, Closer is one of my favorite performances of hers, but Black Swan by itself is a deeply flawed film and I'm a firm believer that the whole project should fly if the individuals are to be lauded for their performances. And The Kids Are All Right is a winner through and through. This is Annette's fourth nomination for an Oscar, and while she has a long career yet ahead of her, she's overdue. Her turn as the neurotic real estate agent wife in American Beauty was also Oscar worthy, and that was back in 2000, so it's been a long time coming. Natalie Portman will have many more years to again achieve her nominations and as talented as she is she will surely get at least a couple more. So I'm keeping my fingers crossed that academy members recognize that it is Annette's year.

An even longer shot is best supporting actor which by all accounts is a lock for Christian Bale. And he does deserve it, but I'm still hoping that he's burned enough bridges with his on set tirades that the academy will overlook him. And while Geoffrey Rush does deserve an Oscar for the King's Speech, he already has one statue in his trophy case with Shine. So hope against hope, I would love to see Mark Ruffalo walk away with his first. He's been slow and steady and generally under the radar for many years while collecting a long list of stellar performances, the most notable as Laura Linney's troubled brother in You Can Count On Me. Other notable titles include Zodiac, In the Cut, a little seen but very good film with Meg Ryan in her most gritty role and my favorite film of hers, and Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind.

So let's hope for a few choice memorable moments, and more than a few upsets.

V Day

So I debated on whether to wear black this year for Valentines, but honestly it's been such a great year, I ended up wearing a red sweater, my red italia booties and red earrings given to me by my oldest. Pretty damn chipper actually, and although I didn't get flowers or chocolates, I have received both this year (once at the same time which had never happened in my life). And just last Friday received chocolates by a grateful tenant who moved into our building because I was so damn helpful and pleasant. Score! And Parrot chocolates, no less, the best in the west. They were delish, but thankfully I shared with the co-workers or else I could've easily downed the whole box myself. It's one of the few things I lose total control over, chocolate. Received a couple of valentines good wishes, one totally unexpected by the adorable chef at the B-Bar. Man why didn't we hook up when we had the opportunity, and in Paradise no less! Guess that was my pre-wild child phase, which I'm hoping I never move out of.... So on to Chicago if all goes as planned, then Outer Banks in May, and just realized today I get 4 days off for the 4th, so may just have to plan another adventure. This being free and single stuff is pretty liberating.

Post Secret

In the 2 or 3 minutes it took me to read post secret today, 7000 others also logged on to read it. Hard to believe almost half a billion people have read it to date.

Blue Valentine

Here is the latest case of a movie that disappointed mainly because of what it could have been. I so wanted to love it, especially after waiting a year to see it. This was the only movie I stood in line for at Sundance that I did not get in, the buzz was at such a fever pitch that everyone who could attend, did. It's also a case of where you got the distinct impression that the making of the film was much more intense and personal and emotionally intimate than the actual final product. Seeing the director Derek Cianfrance, Michelle Williams and Ryan Gosling on Charlie Rose describing the scene on the bridge sounded so much more intense and charged when they talked about it. That Michelle had no idea Ryan was going to climb the fencing of the bridge, as if to jump, and that she had been sworn to a secret that she was not to tell, no matter what. The scene could've used several more minutes of build up to the finale of her blurting out she was pregnant. But it all happened so fast that any drama was soon deflated. Another 30 minutes of depth of both the characters, what made them tick, what did they want that they weren't receiving from the relationship? And the story should have been developed, we want to see the pain and agony that always accompanies a failing relationship. Not because we're gluttons for punishment, but because we've all been through the heart wrenching pain that happens when just love alone can't save your marriage/relationship. Why had they fallen out of love? Where had it all gone wrong? Those questions are never answered. True the "NC 17" scene was very emotional, but it had more to do with the camera angle and the hint of rape than the intense feelings they felt for each other. Michelle and Ryan are both terrific actors, but I have a feeling a substantial part of their performance was left on the cutting room floor.

Neil, still master after all these years

So I had always heard about Neil Young's Bridge School Benefit, thought it was way Northern California, but alas just south of San Fran. When I saw the lineup: reunion Buffalo Springfield, Pearl Jam and my favs Modest Mouse, not to mention freakin' Billy Idol (I know!) who I never thought I'd see in my lifetime, I decided this was the year to go. Not really any reason not to, which is good enough reason to do it in my book. Since tickets hadn't gone on sale yet, it was a real viable trip. And when a week out I lucked into an 11th row ticket from the late releases for night one, I felt blessed. No sitting on the lawn in the rain, which despite the great music, would have been miserable. Luckily both nights I was under the big tent covering the front half of the crowd. It really lived up to the adventurous weekend I was hoping for, despite the rain, so I was very happy I'd lucked into finding out about it in time. Seeing Buffalo Springfield do all their greats, from when I was barely a teenager, was like a time warp trip. Nice to see them all but honestly Neil and Stephen Stills are still rockin' their asses off and look healthy and happy which is fun to see. Not like Dylan who's a caricature of his former self and should just call it a day. And of course hunka wunka Eddie Vedder, singing Patti Smith's Dancing Barefoot and Modest Mouse doing acoustic Cowboy Dan were also highlights. But silly as it seems, seeing a limo driver holding a cardboard sign saying my name by the exit of San Jose airport really was the most surreal moment! On to my next adventure......

Phoenix, say hello

HOLY CRAP! It's been so long since I've posted I forgot all my login shit, luckily I finally got it. So after literally years with no one spending time reading any of my stuff I see some Phoenix peruser has actually looked a few times. So write me a comment, I'm always game to hear from far away folks. And reading some old posts from 5 years ago I'm happy to say a lot has changed and a lot has stayed the same, in all the right places thankfully! Maybe I'll actually start posting more. Funny after seeing the two U2 reviews, I'll be headed to SLC to see them again in May after seeing them at the Rose Bowl Oct 2009. They never get old! I mean seeing them of course, because yes, they are getting up there a little bit! Well have to go run now, one of the good things that hasn't changed. The lack of sex, FINALLY has changed for the better. And yes, absence does make the heart grow fonder! (absence of sex of course)

More Europe

U2 Rose Bowl Oct 25, 2009

Europe Baby!

Wimbledon Just Won't Be The Same This Year

I guess I really can't complain, after last year being the "greatest match of all time" when Rafa beat Roger for the epic match title on grass. Still, it is a real heart break to see him ailing. He is such a joy to watch and will be sorely missed this year. Get Well Rafa

Finally, a new post of random thoughts...

Okay, so I've been really neglecting this blog for forever, so thought I'd jot down a few things that have been bouncing around in my head.
1. When the "regular flu" kills thousands each year, why oh why all this fuss about the swine flu. And I hate how our media latches on like a rottweiler on a childs arm to a story and that's all that's on the news ad nauseum for days on end. Surely there are other things happening around the country and world than the flu.
2. Without warning my 25 yr old son has a sudden urge and desire to play the piano that sits mostly dormant for months at a time. The 2+ hours a day he's been practicing is pretty f*cking amazing. And he has taken immediately to reading music.
Looks like quitting his job has sparked a creative streak that he's been ignoring for ages. Which leads me to:
3. When you lose your sense of smell, do your other senses become heightened as they say happens to the blind?
4. My new job at the bank is working out very well, funny how well I've taken to a rigid schedule. And I'm hoping that the novelty of having my own office never wears off.
5. When friends have a husband, new boyfriend, job and two kids you tend to be so far down on their list as to be non-existent.
6. Had a very fine bottle of Argentine Malbec, El Tango. I think I'll get another bottle at the local wine specialty store sometime soon.
7. Paying down $2k on my mortgage seems like a better investment than leaving it in the loser 401k, so I'm doing it.
8. Suprised how I'm loving the new Decemberist "hazards of love" I was so determined to not like them, ever, at all, but now that I have tix to the Wilma in 3 weeks, figured I'd revisit that mentality. So yeah, the show should actually be pretty fun.
9. Trivia may actually start being more fun with the arrival of a "drop out", we'll see.
10. Netflixed The Queen w/Helen Mirren and my pal Jamee Cromwell, it was very good. And been watching Rescue Me, why is Denis Leary so sexy? Starting on season 3 this week.

Feb 24 2009

Halloweenie

Red Sox, First Date, etc.

First off, I'm glad Boston really made them earn it, pushing them to a game seven. Now I hope the Rays have the good manners to win the world series. At least if you're going to beat my team you should go all the way. Secondly, a first date which was actually comfortable and relaxed. Of course we'd chatted and emailed for the last couple of weeks so discovered we at least had a few things in common, not the least of which is a desire to go to Australia. That's a great start. Seems we hit it off well enough and although I was attracted, and loved the way he touched my arm and hair, I wasn't so attracted that I forgot how to speak the English language, which sometimes happens. Beautiful blue eyes, hair on top and a kind demeanor. Extra points for his short stature, we're the same height. So a date two is in order, hopefully a hike and dinner, but we can work that out later. The urge to keep my own individual life and not get all joined at the hip is a strong one. It helps that he lives out of town. I don't want an all-consuming thing that takes over my life. I do however feel the slightest bit vulnerable for the first time in years, to actually put myself out there and reveal to a person I'm actually interested in them is scary.

More B Bar, no snow this time

Pink never looked so good

Late Summer Days

Colors & Textures

Black & White

Experimenting with black and white lets me know how much I have to learn about photography. I really do need to sit down for several hours with my camera manual and do some putzing around. My problem is once I know the basics and things are coming out "good enough" I tend to not bother with such trivial things as directions. My goal is to change that as I just love my new camera and have been having a blast snapping pictures since I got it. And after last evenings art walk I'm motivated again to start some painting. those two horrendous paintings I made are just screaming "cover me up" so that's where I'll start. Weather is supposed to be crappy next weekend, so that may be the time slot I've been looking for.

Pilots

3/9/08

Through my adult years of traveling I’ve always noticed a tendency of height challenged men flying the planes. Call it Short Stature-Big Bird syndrome if you like. Perfectly understandable to me: you’ve always been the little guy so you get back at “them” by flying jumbo jets.

Well, I’ve traveled quite a few times with my children and had mentioned this observation to them. My daughters especially laughed at me, said I was imagining it and then would further point out each tall pilot as we made our way through the terminals.

So of course today they were not with me as I traveled my way back to Montana from Boston. Last minute travel arrangements dictated especially long layovers and as I didn’t care to get a book or a newspaper I spent hours watching the people cruise by. And among them were dozens and dozens of pilots, a clear majority belonging to the five foot seven and under crowd. Miniature men marched by in their pilot caps and black trench coats with their little roller bags trailing behind them. Now I notice these men not just because I’d love to prove my own theory, but because I have an especially fond spot for shorter men. I don’t know why that is but it may be rooted in the fact that my dad was six two and a half and has always represented to me what NOT to look for in a man.

So as I’ve spent this long day traveling back from what can only be described as a monumental week of family history, I’ve smiled many times as I spied another shorty strolling by.

Girls Making Movies

Just watched Two Days In Paris, Julie Delpy's first movie as director. Nice first effort, a funny, painfully realistic view of the insecure, psychopathic nature of most boy/girl relationships. Then I saw Matthew Broderick on David Letterman this week out promoting Helen Hunt's directorial debut which looks very promising. I hear Colin Firth also co-stars, reason enough for me to shell out $7.50. And of course there's the funny and oh so talented Tina Fey who's latest effort, Baby Mama is supposed to be pretty funny, even if it is more of a chick flick. (SNL really suffers since she's moved on.) This brings us to the awesome realization that more and more women are sinking their teeth into movie making, not just starring as the pretty leading lady. It's about time the "boys club" gave way to an equal forum for both sexes. And who couldn't be excited by the prospect of more quality movie offerings?

Getting Back to Normal

It's been a wild ride the last couple of months but things are settling down now and spring is visibly trying to take hold, FINALLY! Spent the weekend doing more housecleaning, shredding old bills, gathering the brush from last years garden and making an effort to give myself an attitude adjustment. Still feeling disappointed in the male species however, and becoming more and more reluctant to do to any online introductions since I've had such dismal results so far. No interesting men in the "real world" either, unfortunately. I don't think it's just me though, I do believe people are getting more and more isolated from each other. Just the fact that you can't paruse the faces of the other drivers because of tinted windows is depressing. I guess it's time to face reality. I was happy to see Rafa won a fourth straight Monte Carlo title, even if it wasn't televised. Another final with Federer would've been nice to see, but alas, not a big enough event. Plus such shit like the big NFL draft, NBA finals and lots of baseball take priority. I was also happy to hear my brother has gone back to work full time after the November aneurysm that nearly took his life. The stars were obviously aligned for him.

Montana Matters

This is the first time since before I moved west, 1977, that Montana has mattered on the national political scene. Since the Obama/Hillary neck and neck race shows no signs of letting up, they're making the rounds to the rural small states this time around. Which is a real bonus for us political buffs who like to see our candidates up close and personal. Now all I have been hearing for a year is what a pair of rock stars these two are in person, so I had to go and judge for myself. And suprise, they both are. However, Clinton still holds the edge for me. She just gives off an air of confidence after spending 8 years in the White House like she knows what is expected of the president, and how those situations are handled. Bravo Hillary. So I'm still, idealistically no doubt, holding out for an '08 Clinton/Obama ticket, to be repeated in 2012 and then an Obama/Tester? or Obama/Schweitzer ticket the next two go rounds. Oh well, I can hope at least!

Jon Stewart is My Hero

Keeping a Sense of Humor

I'd love to write comedy because my family is so absurd that it seems to lend itself to the genre. It's been a hell of a year, Nana died Sept 25 nearing the age of 97. Brother John at age 47 had a life threatening aneurysm break on the golf course but miraculously is recovering well. Then last week the patriarch bastard died. The long and storied and complicated drama that was my father's relationship with the five of us kids is sometimes hard to comprehend. I escaped west when I was 20, had my family of three awesome kids, and have pretty much kept my distance, although not in a nasty way, concerning my dad. Every couple of years or so I'd visit while I was east and seeing the rest of family. The last visit was a one on one at his house about 18 months ago. I figured if either of us had any issue or question we wanted to bring up, that would've been the time. Neither ventured forth, I believe at least on my end, because I'd long given up the anger associated with the way he left the family and never looked back. So after some chit chat and a couple of his disparaging remarks about my siblings for which he was famous for, I left his house for the last time in his life. While my siblings all had very contentious and combative relationships with dad through the years and I've always felt content that I'd made peace with the past. Life's too short to worry if either parent, or anyone for that matter, approves of your life, your choices or your kids. So I guess I should've just stayed away after I got the call that he had died last Thursday, or thereabouts. The drama though, I was still to learn, was just beginning. While my mom was destitute through the years to the point where she lived with her mother for decades, my father was amassing wealth from his inheritance of stocks and bonds and the million dollar house in a toney Andover Mass neighborhood. SOOO, when the contents of the will were revealed, it was no surprise that two of the siblings, myself and brother John (with whom years of running a business together with my father proved too much to keep any kind of cordial relationship going) were specifically notated for omission. The wording, to the effect of "it is no mistake" that these two are not listed in said will were words he must have reveled in over the years, as the will was written June 18, 2003. Even in death the lack of good will and decency lives on, so to speak. The unfolding of the probate will be quite an ordeal of which I, very thankfully I might add, will not have to partake or witness. This is a blessing which it seems, judging from my dad's actions, must be an unintended consequence. That I will not spend the next year depending on my brother as "Executor" to handle things in a coherent and ethical fashion is a bullet I'm happy to dodge. Not to mention that any mourning or unresolved feelings, which were minimal at best, are now replaced with a final closure that quite honestly feels great. So back to Montana to pick up my life where it left off before I got the phone call that I was now half-orphaned. However, several days remain of which I feel assured more drama and histrionics will reveal themselves. Stay tuned, epilogue very likely to follow........
THIS JUST IN: two funny notes of interest, (if you have a twisted sense of humor like I do) the high class burial plot in Auburn Hills Cemetery that the family bragged about all these years, (my grandmother in fact telling my mom early in her marriage to my dad that there was just enough room for my father and his brother but not her) was total fiction. NO SUCH PLOT in existence after the funeral home spent an exhaustive afternoon researching. #2 The drunk driving incident in which my dad hit a bicycle with rider is still an outstanding lawsuit against my dad, and now against his estate, which could drag onto eons and drain the "inheritance".

California Dreaming

Inspired to write by my Walking Girl

I haven't written lately but now I'm inspired.

1. Into the Wild is a very good film, Sean Penn doesn't disappoint and the fact that it seems they shot on every location the fellow went helps to keep you in the spirit of his travels. Very sad of course, but he saw a lot in his short life, lots more than many people.

2. On regular excercise - when I tell folks I run regularly I sometimes mention that I go rain/shine/cold/heat etc. because if I started using excuses not to go, pretty soon I'd be a full time couch potato. And as is, I've been watching way too much of the Home & Garden channel to inspire the work on my house. Anyway, this last week we had snow, thaw and freeze which made for some treacherous conditions. I go pretty slow when it's glare ice. I mentioned to a co-worker that, yes, I usually fall once a season. Well now everything is bare and dry after several 40+ days, but last evening, (and it wasn't even fully dark), I was running past this young couple and just as I came up on them they kissed, I looked at them for a second and WHAM down I go on the sidewalk, scaring them and scraping my knee. It was a little embarassing, but oh well, just glad it wasn't worse than a scraped knee. There are so many uneven sidewalks it doesn't even take ice to be dangerous. So hopefully that's my fall for this season, got it out of the way early.

3. About that house stuff, well I may actually be ready to work on the kitchen floor which has been bare of the carpet, and ugly as hell, for about 2 years. I've always wanted ceramic tile but the expense of the subfloor, installation and tile has been prohibitive. So I've decided to go for vinyl tile, which has come a long way in the last dozen or so years. No sub floor required, just a really level starting surface, and I can cut it and lay it myself, unlike the ceramic which takes a special water saw to cut. So I'm deciding on a color and will spend this weekend scraping the old glued paper off. Should be fun. But hey, no social life, it should be a really productive weekend!

4. Speaking of social life, after the torturous date last week, I emailed a fellow in LA who was appealing and noted I'd be in LA end of January. Well he writes this curt note back that he hasn't done long distance romance since college and he'd pass. Who said I wanted a romance I replied, I'm just looking to meet some interesting men as Montana is slim pickings, and p.s. WHEN NOT INTERESTED, best to not reply at all ASSHOLE! Well I skipped the asshole part and was very polite and civil, but hopefully he got the point. The Thumper rule "when you don't have anything nice to say...."

5. That's it for now. Posted the waxwing pix I took while in Bozo last weekend, and another "Little Crazy" one of me. I guess we're all a little crazy, but boring would be worse.

Odds & Ends

Okay, been totally ignoring my blog so figured I'd do a short update.

Michael Clayton
Last night was the last showing so had to go. Clooney and Tom Wilkenson are both very good in this very engrossing film. And unfortunately it's pretty true to life I'm afraid when it comes to the morals and evils associated with a lot of big corporations. The lengths they'll go to to make money no matter the risk to the public's health is disturbing. Just today I see Merck is paying out huge sums of money from the Vioxx scandal. Clooney's "kid" does a great job too, I think we'll see more of him. At least 2 other films I'd like to see this weekend, we'll see.

Home Improvements
So, I've been engrossed in painting my front entry way and upstairs and even though I'm not done the difference is substantial. Also working on changing around the art in the house, went to get 4 black mats for 4 black and white photos. One didn't fit so I'm substituting my one with Sting. I figure why the heck not? It's a great pix and it's been hidden away for almost 20 years. Also been experimenting with black and white settings on the digital camera. I want to do some small black and white photos for the upstairs bedroom walls which I have dark red mats for. The pale apricot paint job looks great with the new bedding, a dark red-colored coverlet and sham. The yucky blue carpet though has got to go. Now I'm thinking up so many projects I could probably work through the winter and not get it all done. Such as changing out the bathroom overhead light fixtures and putting in a fixture in my bedroom which is a plain bare bulb in the ceiling. And, finally I bought a simple black frame for my Paris Abstract which I'll do up this weekend. I think it will look smashing! It's about time as I did cart it home on the plane Aug '06.

So keeping real busy, not to mention the crazy as usual job. Went out w/a friend to hear the local blues band again this week. They did almost completely different stuff which was refreshing, I was afraid it would just be a repeat of a couple weeks ago. The place was packed too, who knew in Helena on a Wednesday night. I'm trying to say "yes" every time I'm asked to go do something. Figure if I'm serious about becoming more social I'll have to make an honest effort. Did see a couple of interesting characters, plus a couple of local characters I already know which was quite interesting, but I'll keep their secrets.

Trying to plan ahead, still hoping for Indian Wells tennis in March but the cost may not allow. Who knows, maybe I'll get to see Rafa play live yet.

Blades of Sadie