more cali

Hummingbird

Cool Fountain

Local Greenery

We Resisted

Sepia Toned

Up Close and Personal

I've been going to concerts for a very long time since the first one when my younger brother John won 6th row tickets to Three Dog Night in Boston Garden when I was 14 and he was 12. I made him take me since I was standing there urging "call in, call in", my logic was, hey if it weren't for me, you wouldn't have known to call. Honestly at 12 I'm not sure my folks would've let him take the train into Boston with another 12 year old anyway. So, after years of good to pretty good seats to such folks as Rolling Stones, U2, Pearl Jam and hundreds more, I've never been in the very front, by which I mean there is no person in front of you, except the band a few feet away up there on stage. This was our reward for going very early to Santa Barbara to apparently an area where the locals are not just crazy about Modest Mouse the way we are. The bowl is small, only 4700 capacity, and still there were last minute tickets available. In Montana at a venue in Missoula, they sold out in ten minutes and I never could get tickets. So, needless to say when we were there in line with about 20 other people at around 5 pm we figured we'd be close, but after a little jockeying with a "kid zone" they allowed us all the vantage point that everyone should experience at least once in their life. Modest Mouse put on a terrific show, they were so fun to watch so close doing this synchronized dance that produces these intricate intensely energetic tunes. The new ones from We Were Dead Before the Ship Even Sank like "Fire it Up" and the old familiar ones like "Float On' really presented the total package for the attendees. The intensity of Isaak Brock's tortured vocals which comes through on their albums was notched up even more in person. The duel drummers dressed in their striped sleeveless sailor shirts and the slew of hurricane lamps set the "ship's" feel for the show. And the dueling lead guitars back and forth with such beauty and grace was a joy to watch. Isaak certainly plays a guitar like no one I've ever seen, it's suprising he doesn't break several strings each show. The best shows evoke a spiritual experience and this one did. To feel totally engulfed in the musical magic that is going on between the six players is very special. I'm glad that when I get the urge to take a chance and buy the tickets for an event I know I'll love that I just do it. This show goes down as one of my all time favorites. Modest Mouse plays like no other band, a unique entity with brilliant writing and a style of playing unlike any other band.

Montana Tourist Attractions

How a table ought to be set when the food is world class True Green - Yarrow at Yellowstone

Even the rest stops in Montana have gorgeous views

Gathering storm in the mountains of Paradise Valley

Purple Coneflower

Working Weekend in Paradise

However, it's still working through the weekend. So, as much as I love the outdoors and pristine mountains, sitting in endless meetings all weekend still sucks. The food was fantastic and the cabins very cozy, hearing the coyotes howling on the hills and I believe I heard one elk bugle a single time. I lied awake a few moments waiting for more, but never heard any. I believe this is my last work "retreat" as I seriously doubt I'll last another year at this job. Just time to move on.

Colors of Yellowstone

Okay, I've been taking the lazy road

and posting only pictures lately from my awesome new digital camera that I'm still figuring out. So I'll sit down and write a bit. No new action on the internet dating scene, although I did email a fellow on CL who's living in Switzerland for the next ten years and is looking for visitors. He was in Missoula this a.m. so he never even made it to Helena, but hey it was worth the try, I've heard Switzerland is awesome. Did see a fellow I used to work with in the early 90's on Yahoo Personals who's single now. I had a major crush on him but he was married at the time. So now he's single and looking. If I could just remember his last name I'd be tempted to call him and say hey, as I believe he had a bit of a crush on me too. Never did get a call from the Vermonter last weekend, oh well. I'm sure he'll call eventually, and I could call him too as I have the number. Work is settling down a bit gearing up for the big board meeting. Good thing it's in such a beautiful setting, otherwise it would be pure torture sitting for 3 days. I do hope there's no snow this year, a little sunshine would be welcome. At least the abundance of world class food and plenty of wine will ease the pain a bit too. Can't decide if I should venture a one day marathon trip to Yellowstone this weekend or not. Otherwise when I get so close for the board meeting without being able to go down to the park it will suck. So, I'm still debating. Last episode of season 3 of the L Word will arrive Friday along with season two opener of Weeds. I just love Mary Louise Parker and what's his name, Kevin Neelin? in that. The L Word is pretty stingy with the man on woman action but has plenty of girl/girl which I guess should be expected. I did like the filmmaker who was spying on Jen and Shane though, although his stint is apparently over this season. So just learned of a free internet dating site plentyoffish.com which I checked out. Apparently I'm the last one to know about it as all the Helena men I've seen on Yahoo and MySpace are all right there on fish. Not sure I want to "dive" in again to that scene, such poor response it's a blow to my ego. Well, at least I can look into Mr. Blue Eyes' eyes at the upcoming weekend thing. I hope my eyes don't betray all the various thoughts I've been having about him.....

Spring Meadow & Lilies

Helena

Fire Season

A new fire north of town and a sunset red from all the smoke.

I Know I Live in a Dry Climate

And that there are plenty of prickly pear cactus in the hills around town, but I was still suprised to see this little volunteer growing in one of my garden beds.

Those 40-Somethings With Big Ideas

Okay, I've been mulling on this for quite a while now. As I navigate the Internet sites I come upon an abundance of 40 something men, never married, no kids, who now think they're ready to settle down. Of course it has to be a much younger woman as any 40 something woman who's just now figuring she's ready for kids is screwed. They brag that they have no baggage, no alimony payments, no pesky kids to take their attention away from that perfect woman they're finally ready to settle down with. Is this clueless or what?? They also want the woman to have "waited" for them, a fresh clean slate they can scribble all over. What they don't get is that most women who want kids, just find a decent guy and take the plunge and do it. These guys who've never seen fit to take a chance on love have a big red flag pasted to their foreheads. Never found a girl worthy of your giant ego? Never let yourself be vulnerable enough to take that leap of faith and commit to one of the many women you've surely loved or at least half-assed loved? Everyone wants a level playing field in love: you've got an ex? I've got an ex - as long as neither of us is still sleeping with ours, we'll deal with it. You've got kids who you'd give your right arm for? Hey, guess what me too. You think you're perfect with your lack of baggage? Well think again, we've all got baggage. You don't need an ex or kids to have the requisite baggage. Believe me if you're over 40 and you haven't been living in a cave for the last 20 years, you've got baggage. So while you've deluded yourself into thinking you're the ultimate catch, I think any woman worth her salt wants to know the guy's been out there living all these years before she met him, he's loved and lost and grown up and taken stock of his life. He's got a realistic view of himself and the world and knows relationships are hard work and pure hell at times. They say women are all waiting for their Prince Charming, but I really think it's these 40 somethings who are waiting for their fantasy woman to appear. Strange how men and women have changed roles in so many ways over the last 20-30 years. Strange and SCARY!

More From the Yard

Playing Around With Acrylics

Trying Out the New Camera

ER 4 hours of Unfun

Almost all better.

A happier day

After almost four hours in the ER we never did see a doctor, but the PA who sewed him up seemed to know his stuff and was pretty entertaining. Luckily no tendon damage and so far no infection.

Just Have to Comment on This One

I've had pretty good luck with Craig's List, since the dating pool of single men here in Helena is pretty shallow and not very interesting. A concert in Missoula, Wailers, very good, a fun outing on the 4th on the lake. So I check it regularly for folks coming to Helena wanting a local guide, dinner date, etc. The latest, a very attractive 60 yr old, apparently a Brit coming through Montana and visiting the parks. I drop a line saying hey, I'm in Helena and depending on the days and local sights you want to check out, maybe we can work something out. So I give him my myspace link, it's always good to let them know what they're in for, and the note I get back simply says "If you have air conditioning, I'm planning to propose." Well, it's probably a joke, but he neither said which days he's here, what he'd like to do, or whether or not he is in fact a Brit. So, how do you respond to such a ridiculous statement. Ha Ha, very funny?? So I've deleted his message as apparently he wasn't really serious about actually meeting up. Too bad, he was a looker.

Wimbledon - the Expressions Say it All

On Turning 50

As the last two days of 49 slip away, I’m surprised by how unfazed I am by the prospect of turning 50. Seems 30 and 40 were more disconcerting than I feel today. There are a lot of factors figuring into the mindset, not the least of which are my three awesome grown kids, even if I can take only a portion of the credit there. Recently when on a flight back to Helena I was seated next to a young Canadian woman who expressed her fear of flying. She pounded her arm rests when we experienced turbulence and stated she was hoping to avoid a panic attack. I joked that if she started screaming, I’d have to put my hand over her mouth. I don’t think she thought it was an amusing comment, though I was trying to lighten the mood. I expressed to her I’d been more fearful of flying several years ago but had gradually become more comfortable and recommended deep breathing and prayer. I’d always assumed I just grew up a little and took a more practical look at the risks of flying, but afterwards I reflected that part of her, and my fears may be seated in the status of young mother. She has two very young children back in Canada that she was traveling back to that day and I believe part of my fear when I flew was that if I did die in a crash my kids would be devastated as I was their only caretaker and was concerned for what would happen to them. I think these days knowing they’re all adults and could very well take care of themselves helps. While I imagine they’d be very upset, they would recover while at a very young age the damage would be much more severe.

Another reason for my lack of fear of 50 is the fitness level I feel I’m at compared to a ton of folks my age. Beginning running 17 years ago was one of the best decisions I’ve ever made for myself. The confidence and well being derived from exercising regularly can not be over stated. I would highly recommend anyone who doesn’t regularly exercise to incorporate it into their weekly routine. The stress relief and feeling of accomplishment alone are worth the effort.

While remaining single for many, many years and the long stretch of singledom could be cause for alarm, I just don’t feel I’m missing that much. All the activities I now enjoy would likely be diminished by the compromises inherent in any relationship. My current positive state of mind may in fact be partly derived from the lack of a relationship with a man, since correct or not, my history with men seems to reveal that they can diminish self esteem by the subtle ways they judge and criticize and look down upon women. Intentional or not, the message can reflect their feeling that men are in charge, smarter, “the boss”, etc. Living my life not having to answer to anyone or justifying my actions and generally doing as I please gives me a feeling of independence and well being. While this may lead me to a bit of an arrogant attitude of “I know best”, the fact is, for me, I do know what’s best. Plus, I was never the wifey type anyway.

So while I’m not wishing for another 50, unless by some miracle I can escape the usually frailties accompanying old age, the next 10-20 and beyond should be very good indeed. I do appreciate life, I do realize how lucky and blessed I’ve been.

Bonnaroo 2007

No rain this time just dust, heat, 80,000 wander-ing souls and a ton of excellent music. The Police ruled, doing a run down of all the favorites, followed by the Flaming Lips who put on a wondrous show of laser beams, man in a bubble entrance, balloons, confetti, lights on a spaceship-like saucer and just a crowd pleasing show. All the chickies were fabulous, Regina Spektor, Feist, Lily Allen, Martha Wainwright (the little that we heard). Other highlights included Kings of Leon doing several from their new album, Tool who had a pretty spectacular laser light show which shined out into space, White Stripes which lived up to the hype, cheeky Franz Ferdinand, Brazilian Girls and Damien Rice. The four days really test your endurance and if you don't pace yourself you end up like the dozens passed out on the festival grounds, and later on the floor in the Nashville airport. The porta potties are challenging, the water stations scarce and the crowds walking around almost overwhelming. The artsy flavor of some of the crowd, the lighted walking, dancing stickman, the four super-hero guys dancing around in a cape and speedos, the painted breasts and nightly parade all add a flavor not seen in other concert crowds. It's safe to say it was an adventure for our little party of four that won't soon be forgotten.

He Does it Again!

A Threepeat for Rafa! What a Match!

Green Thumbing It

I don't know what it is about gardening that really rocks my world but something about watching things grow that I love. It goes back to when I was a little girl planting morning glories and marigolds and watching them sprout and bloom, the wonder of life I guess, as corny as that sounds. Luckily the damn deer don't go for the iris, although they have been tromping around in the beds and have knocked a couple of buds off that otherwise would've been beautiful blooms. Oh well, most of the others I planted last summer right before I flew to Europe are going to bloom for the first time and they'll be gorgeous. It really makes me want to find a way to landscape the whole yard in flowers and veggies, so far it's been a slow but steady process. The red potatoes I planted, 10 in all, are growing like crazy and should yield some beauties. The spinach is prolific this year and the lettuce is doing pretty well too. The tomatoes are limping along but will probably do okay and I'm trying bush beans again this year. Sooner or later I'll find a spot they like. I think home gardeners are a dying breed. I was inspired by my grandmother so maybe, if I ever have the benefit of grandchildren, I can instill that same love in them.